Reconciliation
by KiannaKitter
Summary: Well, let's just call this a rewrite of the scene from season 6, episode 8; A Wedding, when Kurt and Blaine get back together.


**Author notes: Well, let's just call this a rewrite of the scene from season 6, episode 8, when Kurt and Blaine get back together. I always felt it was extremely lacking. We deserved better than what we got, especially from Kurt. This took on a life of it's own and turned out very different from what I started out wanting to write. Suddenly it was over 5400 words. I will never understand how that happens. Warning, there be angst and mention of suicidal thoughts, this got a little bit intense.**

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Blaine was sitting alone in the apartment he used to share with David. It was early afternoon and his ex-boyfriend had left to stay with a friend days ago, letting Blaine stay in their place for which he was grateful. He really didn't feel like moving back in with his mother after yet another failed relationship. As he looked around at all the boxes accumulating everywhere, he couldn't help but wonder what the hell he had been thinking. Of course it would never work with David. They had nothing in common, except for their one shared interest in football. They weren't even each others types. David's taste obviously drifted towards bears - and Blaine, well. Blaine liked Kurt. Still.

" _You never stopped."_

David had been right. But what did it matter? Kurt didn't want him anymore. Kurt discarded him like he was trash. Kurt broke his heart and was now dating a man old enough to be his father. Blaine just did not get the appeal, but then again...he didn't know... _Walter_. Just thinking the name was hard. Maybe he was a really nice guy though? He seemed to be. Maybe he gave Kurt the maturity that Blaine clearly hadn't provided. Maybe Blaine should just move on? For real this time. With someone he could actually see a future with.

He knew he had to try, he wouldn't, couldn't...live the rest of his life alone. He wasn't built for that. If there was something Blaine Anderson needed like he needed air to breathe, it was to feel loved. He loved being in love. Or at least he used to. But if he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he was scared he would never find the lasting kind of love. Because if he couldn't make it work with Kurt, a man who he shared a million interests with, who he just clicked with on every level, what hope was there that he could ever make it work with anyone else?

He sighed as he taped another box closed. He knew he was too young to be jaded like this. But Kurt had really done a number on his heart. One minute he was about to get married, the next and out of left field...he got dumped. That took a lot out of you, it changed a person and your view on love. He didn't understand how Kurt could say yes to marrying him and then just let go like it was the easiest thing in the world. How he could just turn his back on Blaine from one day to the next and act like he didn't exist?

Blaine had moved in with Sam after the breakup and everything had slowly unraveled. He sunk into a deep depression, everything he had worked so hard for slipped through his fingers. At school Kurt ignored him, even when he saw Blaine struggling. He got cut from NYADA and when Sam decided to move back to Ohio, he followed since Sam begged him to. Sam had been scared to leave Blaine alone in the city. Scared of what he might do. Blaine didn't blame him, he had been in seriously bad shape back then. Worse than during the first breakup. At least the first time he knew what he had done wrong. He knew he was to blame so he hadn't allowed himself to wallow too much, he didn't think he had the right. This time though...he honestly didn't know what had happened. Sure, they had fought a lot up until the breaking point, but all couples fight and then they make up. It was normal. That rainy night Blaine had thought it was just another fight. Had he known how wrong he was, he would never have pushed Kurt the way he had, would never have asked the dangerous questions and forced Kurt into answering them.

" _Do you even want to marry me?"_

How could he have been so reckless and let his mouth run like that?

 _"Maybe I don't!"_

Those three words had cut into him like a knife and he had stopped breathing for a second. He had been so sure the answer would be different. That Kurt would have taken his hand and reassured him that of course he wanted to marry him. That they would have made up and gone home to have a round of amazing makeup sex. Like they always did. That hadn't happened though and Kurt hadn't backtracked either. He had seemed so tired, so fed up with everything, with Blaine. But he hadn't given a reason. Not really. _"We're kids."_ Yeah, that wasn't really helpful to Blaine but in his interpretation he had deduced that Kurt might as well have said _"You're too immature for me."_ The fact that Kurt was now with Walter just confirmed Blaine's suspicions.

Kurt always were an old soul. And Blaine remained forever a kid at heart. Maybe that had been the problem all along? Blaine had always thought those two particular differences complimented each other well in their relationship though. He was always great at getting Kurt to connect with his inner child and in turn Kurt was good at reeling in Blaine's childlike enthusiasm for something when his ideas got a little out of hand or downright crazy. But maybe he had been wrong. Maybe those distinct differences had been the sole reason their relationship came to such an abrupt halt? And then what hope was there? They couldn't change those personality traits. It was just the core of who they were as people. And he wouldn't want Kurt to change anyway, he loved who Kurt was. Is. Even after everything.

It had been so easy to fall back in love. To connect with those feelings he had buried deep inside for his own survival and sanity. When Kurt arrived in town, it was a shock. He hadn't expected Kurt to return and certainly not to get Blaine back. It had thrown him. Especially the way Kurt was so casual about it like he expected Blaine to just go along with it and take him back like it was no big deal. He hadn't been ready or prepared and back then David had been in the picture. So he had said no, even if a part of him was forever yearning for Kurt. He had been determined to look forward instead of going backwards. And yes, he had still been angry at Kurt for what he did. He still was, deep down. The anger simmered underneath the surface, but he rarely let himself feel it because the intensity of it scared him. It was unresolved resentment that went back to the exact moment it had all come to an end and the last words he said to Kurt that night before he stormed out of that restaurant and let the tears fall.

" _I will never forgive you for this."_

And yet, he had allowed Kurt to walk right back into his life. He had let himself get too close, again. Especially after the elevator kiss, which he at least had an excuse for. He just couldn't help it. Kurt had always had this glow about him, it sucked Blaine in. Like a magnet. That was the only way he could explain the second kiss at Rachel's party. One moment he had been looking at Kurt talking, then everything kinda faded out and all he could see was the angel right in front of him, so close, so beautiful. Next thing he knew his lips were on Kurt's. It had only lasted seconds, but it was too long no matter what, because he was with someone else at the time. Blaine couldn't help but wonder if he was just the unfaithful type. After all, he had only had two official boyfriends and he had cheated on both of them. But he couldn't believe that, he never wanted to hurt anyone that way, he just felt...so much in the moment. If he was guilty of anything it was having bad impulse control. None the less, when he pulled away and saw the look on Kurt's face, he felt so ashamed of what he had done. So he ran. And Kurt hadn't followed him. That alone spoke volumes. Looking back he could see that. Unfortunately it didn't hit him until after he was standing in that choir room ready to make a play for Kurt yet again and feeling humiliated and lost as he realized he was crashing Kurt's date. It got even worse when he was then introduced to Walter in person. Walter who was not the wrinkly old grandpa he had pictured in his head, but a handsome distinguished grown up man. Blaine had stuttered his way through a sentence, trying to save some dignity and all the while Kurt hadn't batted an eye.

It made Blaine mad to just think about now. In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he came to the realization that Kurt never fought for him. It was always Blaine. It was Blaine who took the initiative to their first kiss, it was Blaine who made the big sacrifices; once when he changed schools for Kurt and then again when he sent Kurt to New York without him. It was Blaine who struggled for even a small bit of Kurt's time once they were in a long-distance relationship - while it seemed like Kurt got swallowed up by the big city and left Blaine behind. Not that the first breakup was Kurt's fault, Blaine took full responsibility for being weak and not secure enough in what they had back then, but Kurt was the one who had made him feel that way in the first place. After that it was again Blaine going after Kurt, apologizing over and over, begging Kurt to take him back until he did. It was Blaine who proposed, it was Blaine who did all the wedding planning. It was always Blaine chasing Kurt, never Kurt chasing Blaine. Even after Kurt dumped him, Blaine was again the one who had run to Kurt, willing to beg for another chance. And he wasn't even to blame this time. There was something seriously wrong with that fact.

He was suddenly startled out of his thoughts by an urgent knocking on the door. He frowned. He wasn't expecting anyone. Maybe David had ordered another signed football jersey online and it was a delivery guy here to drop it off? He got up and walked at a frisk pace to the big brown door, grabbing the golden knob and throwing it open, not at all prepared for the frazzled looking Kurt on his doorstep.

"Kurt? Are you okay?" That was literally his first thought.

 _There you go again, always caring about Kurt,_ a voice in his head mocked him. _When are you gonna put yourself and your own well-being first? This is not healthy._

"No." Kurt said, sounding out of breath. _Did he run here?_ Then he grabbed Blaine taking him by surprise and walking him backwards into the apartment. "I'm not okay." Blaine furrowed his eyebrows, but before he could say anything, Kurt continued: "Look. I love you. I...I still love you. And I know everything was completely messed up before, but everything is fine now, so will you...will you go to the wedding with me? I mean, unless there is somebody else?"

Blaine just stared at him. Really stared. That's it? _"_ _I know everything was completely messed up before, but everything is fine now."_ That was seriously all Kurt had to say? After everything Blaine went through? After all the pain Kurt caused him? _Where is my big speech? Where is my epic declaration of love?_ Blaine thought bitterly as the silence stretched out between them. Then he took a deep breath, looking into Kurt's wild eyes and opened his mouth.

"No."

"No?" Kurt's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What do you mean no? No as in, there is no one else or..." Blaine cut him off.

"No as in, I don't want to go to the wedding with you." Kurt just blinked and Blaine continued. "No as in, I don't want to go anywhere with you." Now Kurt's mouth hung open, he was gaping like a fish. But Blaine wasn't finished. "No as in, I don't want to try again, Kurt. Is that clear enough for you?" Kurt now had tears in his eyes and Blaine knew he was being cruel, but he couldn't help it. All the anger just took over and the resentment he had ignored ever since Kurt came back bubbled out of him, brought forth by what he perceived as Kurt once again taking for granted that Blaine would just run into his open arms as soon as he called on him.

"But...I..." Kurt stuttered. "I thought you broke up with Karofsky?" That just made Blaine even more angry, did Kurt really think David was the only thing standing in their way?

"Not that it is any of your business." Blaine snapped. "But yes, David and I are over - and no, there is no one else."

"Then...why not?" Kurt sniffed and it tore at Blaine's heartstrings, but he made himself hard. He would not fall for that. If Kurt thought he could just walk in here and get Blaine back with a snap of his fingers, he was gravely mistaken. Blaine had more self-respect than that.

"WHY?! YOU'RE ASKING ME WHY? REALLY, KURT? WHY DO YOU THINK?!" Blaine yelled, but only after he'd closed the front door that Kurt had left open, to at least shield his neighbors from what was probably about to become a really messy fight.

Kurt had tears rolling down his cheeks now, but Blaine did his best to ignore them, it was extremely difficult though. Clearly Kurt had not come prepared for this outcome and he was shocked by Blaine's outburst. _Good._ He should be shocked, Blaine rarely raised his voice – and that made it have an even stronger impact on people when he did.

"Why are you being like this?" Kurt sobbed, holding a hand over his mouth, blue eyes swimming over.

"You don't get to cry, Kurt." Blaine said, lowering his voice again, calming down. "Not after everything you did." He had to turn his back to Kurt while he said it, Blaine never could stand to see him cry.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Kurt cried. "I am sorry for everything." He tried putting his hand on Blaine's shoulder, but Blaine shrugged him off and stepped away.

"No, it's not okay." Blaine sighed, squeezing his eyes together, again refusing to look at Kurt, it was just too hard. "You can't just waltz in here like this and expect me to just forgive and forget."

"I don't expect you to forget, Blaine." Kurt said. "But I _am_ asking you to forgive me." Kurt hesitated before continuing. "I forgave you."

"Don't." Blaine warned in a low voice, he couldn't believe Kurt would bring that up. "That was a completely different situation." Blaine walked to a window, looking out. He could hear Kurt's fancy shoes tapping across the floor, following him.

"I know." Kurt whispered, clearly regretting his words. "I just want another chance with you." His voice was so close to Blaine's ear that he knew Kurt had to be standing right behind him. He had enough sense to not touch Blaine though.

"And do you think you deserve that?" Blaine asked, curious about the answer. Kurt hesitated and Blaine was sure he wasn't going to answer, but to his surprise Kurt did.

"No. Probably not...what I did to you was inexcusable. I basically left you at the altar." Kurt voice was thick with tears. "But I am asking anyway. Because I love you, Blaine. I...love...you. So much. And I don't want to live without you. I've tried that and it didn't work. I need you." Blaine was glad Kurt at least took some responsibility for his actions, but he couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"Oh, so now you love me? Now you need me?" Blaine scoffed. "I have a hard time believing that. It took you long enough to realize, didn't it? Life without me seemed to work out fine for you in New York. You never fought for me before, so why now? What changed to make you suddenly care about me again?"

"Nothing changed. It never did. Not now and not back then. Life was a nightmare without you, but I am a master of denying and disguising my feelings. The truth is that I never stopped loving you, Blaine. I even told you that...that night."

"You have a weird way of showing love." Blaine turned around to face him, cold hazel meeting wet blue. And God, his eyes were always so pretty, even when they were red from crying. Blaine shook his head, ridding it of such thoughts. Kurt walked closer to him and took Blaine's hands in his. Blaine, to his own surprise let him.

"I know. And believe me when I say that it was never you, Blaine. You weren't the problem. I was." Kurt looked down, avoiding eye contact." After you left New York, I began seeing a therapist." Okay, wow. Blaine did not expect that. "She said I had this 'thing' with love. That men are afraid of intimacy. She wasn't wrong. I do have issues with letting people in. But not you, Blaine. Never you. Right from the start you walked right through my walls like they didn't exist. I never understood how you did that." Kurt smiled a little and Blaine had to really concentrate to not smile too.

"What does that have to do with what happened to us?" He asked instead, acting disinterested.

"It has everything to do with what happened to us. You getting through my defenses was a blessing, but it also meant that you got closer than anyone else, closer than I could handle. Blaine, she made me realize that I created all the drama intentionally, but on a subconscious level. Whenever you got too close, I found a reason to push you away because I felt too vulnerable."

"Look, Kurt. I am really glad you went to see someone and it helped you. For the record, I did too." Blaine smiled sadly. "But I'm hurt you didn't feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me even after all that time." He took his hands back from Kurt, who frowned. "If anything, this just proves that we should not get back together."

"No. Blaine. You are turning everything I say around." Kurt took a step towards him, but Blaine walked backwards, matching him step for step. "Please. You have to believe me. I've changed. That we are having this conversation right now proves it. I am exposing myself here and for once I am not afraid to do so."

"You might have changed, but the past and everything you did or didn't do haven't. It's still the same, will always be the same and I am not sure I can forgive you for that." Blaine could feel his eyes water, just thinking about it hurt him all over again. He turned back to face the window.

"But there is a chance you could?" Blaine didn't answer. He didn't know the answer to that. Suddenly he was unsure. Kurt continued. "I promise, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you will just let me?" Kurt's hands found their way back to his shoulders and this time Blaine didn't fight it, Kurt's touch felt good there, like it was grounding him.

"Kurt, I am not sure you truly understand what you did to me." Blaine sniffed and wiped his eyes, stopping a few tears from escaping. He didn't want to cry. "You broke me. You didn't just leave me, you really left me, left my life. You knew I loved you, that you were my whole world, that without you there was no world for me and yet, you completely froze me out."

"I know." Kurt just whispered, voice laced with regret and squeezed Blaine shoulders, urging him to continue.

"I know you saw me struggle in school and never once did you offer to help me. I was a man drowning, everyone could see it. I was so deeply depressed that I couldn't save myself but you had the power to save me, you knew this and still, you did nothing. And I know it wasn't your responsibility to help me, but the fact that you didn't, after all we had been through, that hurt. I thought we were at least still friends and friends help each other." Now Blaine was fully crying, mourning the life he could have had. "I lost everything, Kurt. All my dreams amounted to nothing. Did you know the reason I came back home was because Sam was afraid of leaving me alone. Afraid that I would try and hurt myself? It wasn't far from the truth." That elicited a gasp from Kurt who took Blaine in his arms, holding him close while sobs shook Blaine's tiny body. "For a while I just wanted to die. Even after I left New York. I would lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, crying and thinking about the bottle of pills my mom keeps in the bathroom cabinet."

"I'm sorry." Kurt kept muttering in his ear. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let it all out."

"And somehow in all of this, you didn't lose anything, you still have everything, you just went on like nothing had changed, if you love me as much as you say you do, how could you do that? How is that fair?"

"It's not and I don't know how I did that." Kurt whispered. "I can't explain it to you. But I can tell you that it wasn't easy." That wasn't good enough for Blaine who tried to wriggle free of Kurt's grip but Kurt was bigger and wouldn't let him. "No, don't do that. Listen to me, Blaine. Just listen, okay?" Blaine stopped struggling and listened instead.

"Every night without you was hell. I began working myself to death, taking extra shifts at the diner, staying overtime at Vogue, just to keep from going back to the loft, because I knew the bed, our bed, would be as empty as my heart felt. I looked the other way at school because facing you was too painful. I forced myself to try speed dating because I was so desperate to find a way out of the ache that came from missing you and regretting what I had done. It didn't work, it just made everything worse and highlighted how I would never find anyone half as amazing as you." Blaine felt Kurt hug him tighter, his arms snaking around his torso like he was afraid of letting go - and Blaine discovered he didn't want Kurt to let go.

"When I came back to Ohio to find you, the first day I was here I spent the night crying in Rachel's bed while she held me. Crying over you and what I did to you. I told her not to tell you. When I saw you with Karofsky it was like my heart shattered and I broke down in the bathroom at Scandals, but I think you already know that. When some kids sang a duet in Glee, all I could picture was our time together and I lost it again. After the kiss in the elevator, everything I felt for you intensified and just confirmed that even after all this time and despite the mess I had made of things, you were still the only one I wanted, I always knew that would be the case though, that's why I fought so hard against that kiss in the first place." Kurt dropped his face to Blaine's neck, his breath washing over his skin creating goosebumps and Blaine closed his eyes, taking in every word Kurt said, feeling better with every syllable that was uttered. Who knew Kurt had it in him.

"When you kissed me outside Rachel's house, I wanted to run after you, have my way with you on the backseat of your car, I almost did because I knew that right then you were tipsy and would probably have let me, but there was Karofsky to consider and I didn't want to make the cheating even worse, because I knew that would make you feel more awful about it in the end. And when I went out with Walter, it was only ever to distract myself from the knowledge that I couldn't have you and maybe I also hoped to make you jealous." Kurt pressed a kiss right under Blaine's ear, making him shiver.

"I only want you, sweetheart. I will only ever want _you_." Kurt continued nipping at his neck and Blaine melted into it, feeling his resolve crumble and warmth blossoming in his chest. "I spend every hour of every day thinking about you. It's like what you said when you proposed, you and I, we are soul-mates, two half's of one whole and we can't be without each other. Not in this life, not in the next or the ones after that. We need to be together, Blaine. Like we undoubtedly have always been in all the lifetimes we've lived before this one. I was a complete moron for not understanding sooner. But I get it now, everything you said. Please, give me a chance to prove it."

" _Kurt._ " Blaine turned around overwhelmed by emotions and Kurt never once let go of him, he kept Blaine locked in a firm grip. They just stood there inches apart, gazing into each others eyes, both crying softly. Then suddenly they were kissing and none of them knew who had made the final move to do so. The kiss was salty and wet, but at the same time perfect. When they pulled apart Kurt was kissing away his tears and Blaine felt his knees give out, it was all just too much for him, he was emotionally exhausted. Kurt, without missing a beat picked him up and Blaine buried his face in his neck, breathing him in. He loved Kurt's scent. Then Blaine found himself on the bed in the bedroom and Kurt immediately curled up next to him, spooning him. The curtains were closed so the room was dark. It was silent for a while, only their breathing could be heard.

"You okay?" Kurt whispered some time later, afraid to break the quiet.

"I am now, I think." Blaine sighed. "Just hold me, please. Don't let go."

"Okay, I won't." Kurt pressed himself closer, planting a kiss to his neck.

"I didn't know you could say things like that." Blaine whispered. "It was...a lot."

"Afraid your reign as king of the epic speeches are coming to an end?" Blaine could actually feel the smirk on Kurt's lips as he said it and he couldn't help but chuckle silently.

"No. I just don't know how to react. Is this how you feel every time I open my mouth?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Kurt confirmed. "Now you know how overwhelming it can be."

"Yeah. I guess I do." Blaine smiled. "I'm glad I do though."

They didn't say anything for a few minutes and Blaine began to suspect Kurt had fallen asleep. He was about to dose off himself, when Kurt spoke again. His voice had such a desperation to it that it made Blaine feel guilty instantly.

"Please don't ever hurt yourself, Blaine." Kurt sniffed. "Just the thought of you contemplating doing that, I can't bear it."

"I won't. I swear." Blaine pressed himself back into the heat of Kurt's body, seeking comfort. "I am sorry I even brought it up, I shouldn't have. I didn't think about how it would make you feel."

"No, I am glad you did. I definitely needed to know. It's just hard thinking about a world without you in it."

"I know what you mean." Blaine didn't say anything else. They both knew he had actually lived it. Once more silence fell upon them and again Kurt was the one to break it.

"You can trust me with your heart now, Blaine. I promise." There was a pregnant pause after that. And as he thought over those words, he could feel Kurt hold his breath.

"I know." Blaine finally said, because he did. He believed Kurt. "I trust that you mean every word you're saying." Blaine hesitated. "And...someday I know I can forgive you, but it's going to take some time for me to fully heal from this." Blaine turned around so he could look him in the eyes. "I love you, though. Kurt, I never stopped loving you either. And I want to be with you. So badly. I want us to figure this out and make it work."

"I love you too. And I understand. I don't expect you to just magically be fine with everything that's happened, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression." The tears were back in Kurt's eyes, but this time they were happy tears. He leaned in to kiss Blaine on the lips and when they pulled apart they both felt lightheaded. "I'm so thankful for you and this second chance though. Take all the time you need to process it all, but please do it by my side. I can't stand another day of you not being mine." Blaine nodded.

"Alright, I can do that." He laced their fingers together on his chest and squeezed, reminding himself that this was real. They were really back together.

"Thank you. And I am gonna find a way to fix this. Everything that went wrong for you that I helped wreck, we are gonna figure out a way for you to fulfill your dreams, together. You _will_ be happy, Blaine."

"You really think so?" Blaine asked, eyes shining.

"I know so. I am not leaving for New York without you. I am never leaving you again. No matter what we are getting you back to the city and back on track." Deep emotions swirled in Kurt's intense gaze and Blaine was sure no one on Earth had ever felt as loved as he did right in that moment.

"Okay." And for once Blaine actually thought he could do it, because Kurt believed in him.

Slowly he moved his head to rest on Kurt's chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling Kurt's fingers running through his hair loosening the gel. This was a position that were familiar to them, one they always came back to and it was intimate in a way sex could never be. This time it was not about makeup sex, it was about something deeper than that, it was about just being together, feeling each other and breathing as one for the first time in way too long.

To Blaine, it felt like coming home. He was finally back where he needed to be. And somehow he knew that everything would be okay, eventually.


End file.
